Are you and your spouse arguing all the time? Is trust missing from your relationship? Have you stopped communicating and feel like you are drifting apart? Even if things seem like they are hopeless, I believe that you can save your marriage. Marriage counseling based on true scriptural foundations can help you renew your life together and form a stronger bond than ever before. As a pro-marriage Christian counselor, I will be 100% committed to helping you find a way to live once more as a tight-knit, happy family. Scripture teaches us an immense amount about how men and women can live together to build a greater whole. In marriage counseling, I will use that teaching to help you achieve that goal.
Many couples come to me concerned that they are not communicating. What I will help you to discover is that problems with communication have much more to do with what you are hearing than what either of you are saying. Many people carry with them negative thoughts and emotions that are the product of hurts they have suffered. Your insecurities and doubts color your relationships with those around you, including your spouse. When you harbor negative feelings about yourself it is all too easy to project them into how your spouse talks and behaves around you, imagining an intention to wound where none exists. At the same time, you are blind to the unintended hurt that your words and actions cause to your wife or husband.
When two humans have lived together for many years it usually happens that each has tones of voice and expressions of face which are almost unendurably irritating to the other. … Let him assume that she knows how annoying it is and does it to annoy — if you know your job he will not notice the immense improbability of the assumption. And, of course, never let him suspect that he has tones and looks which similarly annoy her. As he cannot see or hear himself, this is easily managed.
Screwtape – The Screwtape letters by C.S. Lewis
When you feel that your spouse is treating you in the way you imagine yourself, the key is to delve into the source of your insecurities to find a healthier self-image. Christian counseling can help you achieve a more balanced and healthy self-image, free both from the errors of pride and excessive self-negativity. When you achieve peace within yourself, you can project it within your marriage; you gain the confidence to exercise compassion, the courage to give love.
Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins.
To build a marriage that will last a lifetime, there is no more important skill than forgiveness. No two people can live together without having to forgive and be forgiven time and time again. Marriage therapists and couples counselors of all stripes strive to teach their clients how to forgive. However, what is missing from our culture is the understanding, taught clearly in scripture, that unforgiveness itself is a sin. In order to conquer unforgiveness and stop it from undermining your marriage, you have to do more than simply ‘move on’ and express words of forgiveness. First, you need to do the same thing that is necessary with every other sin: confess. When you confess your unforgiveness, this allows the Holy Spirit to remove unforgiveness from your heart.
When unforgiveness is removed from your heart, you are freed to enter into your relationship once again. This is very different from the easy idea of ‘forgive and forget’. When you can truly forgive at the same time as your spouse truly expresses remorse, then you are able to draw closer to each other once again, giving and receiving love.
Reach out for marriage counseling
To learn how truly Christian and scriptural marriage counseling can strengthen your marriage, please get in touch. You can fill out the contact form or call for a complimentary consultation.
John DelGrosso is a Christian counselor and coach in Los Angeles. You can meet him in his four locations, or have therapy online or over the phone.